Alright, girlie. This is it!
He hadn't written to me for 3 months, even though he still checked his emails weekly. So the day after V-day, I decided not to take it any more.
"Maybe I should have set you free long time ago", I wrote.
I didn't know it would end like this. NO FAIR!!!
Oh well, it's me who chose to put myself in a situation like that, so I really shouldn't complain.
For 2 years, I gave my heart to him. And now, since he doesn't care any more, it's no big deal to take what belongs to me back. I'm guessing he wouldn't even notice what I just did.
I am innocent. I'm proud that I never cheated on him even when the guys admitted their adoration. Everyone asked about it was given the answer that I was in a relationship.
When I put a new picture in the photo frame, I felt the sadness as if I never had.
I didn't cry... ...
I won't cry.
I wish him happiness.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Friday, October 5, 2007
it's been great
It all started last Saturday night.
I still had one more test to deal with the next day but as usual, I turned on my computer and logged on MSN. There was a message left by him (trust me, that was a surprise) saying "I'll be up for the next 4 hours". Looked at the clock, there was 2 left. "Shoot, why didn't I log on earlier?!" Messenger showed he had left and I tried without expecting the best. There, he replied!!
We talked. He asked for my phone number.
We logged off.
He called.
When I heard him call me, right away, came the release at heart. I have to say, his voice is the greatest comfort on earth -- well, only when his arms don't count. It calms me down. "I missed your little giggles"..."I want you to choose what you like"... "Don't worry, we'll work it out"... ...
ok, I'll trust you in this.
After the phone call, mom has been asking a lot about him. And she has started to prepare herself for the fact that I may belong to the whole world.
If I am to leave, it'd be so hard for the family. I would never choose to leave thinking about how important I am spiritually to the whole family. I don't want to be selfish, and yet, I love him so much! I'll have to be selfish to either my family or his. Doesn't it suck?!
Anyways, when I don't think about the future choices. I'm as happy as can be.
Currently listening to Coldplay. There, somehow I think, is some kind of laziness in their music as well as their young passion and a little bit of about everything. There's warmth, too. It makes me think of winter afternoon sunshine.
It's wet and cold now. Wish to get warmed up in his arms...
That day shall come~~
I still had one more test to deal with the next day but as usual, I turned on my computer and logged on MSN. There was a message left by him (trust me, that was a surprise) saying "I'll be up for the next 4 hours". Looked at the clock, there was 2 left. "Shoot, why didn't I log on earlier?!" Messenger showed he had left and I tried without expecting the best. There, he replied!!
We talked. He asked for my phone number.
We logged off.
He called.
When I heard him call me, right away, came the release at heart. I have to say, his voice is the greatest comfort on earth -- well, only when his arms don't count. It calms me down. "I missed your little giggles"..."I want you to choose what you like"... "Don't worry, we'll work it out"... ...
ok, I'll trust you in this.
After the phone call, mom has been asking a lot about him. And she has started to prepare herself for the fact that I may belong to the whole world.
If I am to leave, it'd be so hard for the family. I would never choose to leave thinking about how important I am spiritually to the whole family. I don't want to be selfish, and yet, I love him so much! I'll have to be selfish to either my family or his. Doesn't it suck?!
Anyways, when I don't think about the future choices. I'm as happy as can be.
Currently listening to Coldplay. There, somehow I think, is some kind of laziness in their music as well as their young passion and a little bit of about everything. There's warmth, too. It makes me think of winter afternoon sunshine.
It's wet and cold now. Wish to get warmed up in his arms...
That day shall come~~
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I really don't know...
So when the Latino dude asked if I had a boyfriend, adding that I must do since I'm "pretty", I reached out for the heart-shaped photo frame and looked into his eyes...
Still needed to explain so I tried to make it short. "... worked together for theatre a few times ... went to astronomy nights together when we realized that was it... I had to leave shortly after summer came..."
People who don't know me well are telling me to give it up or at least not to be that addicted. "you're very young" "there are a lot of great guys out there" "first lover doesn't usually equal to lifetime soul mate" (hey I'm not his "first lover"), blah blah blah...
I know those are all very nice people and that what they said was true. There's only one thing -- they don't know me!!
Heck, why do I have to be this obstinate anyways?!
Enough for the complaints.
And then I opened the picture album, zoomed in.
I was scared to realize that the face I was looking at was somehow, somewhat... unfamiliar...
WHAT IS GOIN ON?!?!
So when the Latino dude asked if I had a boyfriend, adding that I must do since I'm "pretty", I reached out for the heart-shaped photo frame and looked into his eyes...
Still needed to explain so I tried to make it short. "... worked together for theatre a few times ... went to astronomy nights together when we realized that was it... I had to leave shortly after summer came..."
People who don't know me well are telling me to give it up or at least not to be that addicted. "you're very young" "there are a lot of great guys out there" "first lover doesn't usually equal to lifetime soul mate" (hey I'm not his "first lover"), blah blah blah...
I know those are all very nice people and that what they said was true. There's only one thing -- they don't know me!!
Heck, why do I have to be this obstinate anyways?!
Enough for the complaints.
And then I opened the picture album, zoomed in.
I was scared to realize that the face I was looking at was somehow, somewhat... unfamiliar...
WHAT IS GOIN ON?!?!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
HK -- CEI 2007
I'm back, from HK. It absolutely was a great life experience except that the weather was way too hot and humid.
I got to know a lot of new friends, learnt several words/sentences of foreign languages, including Cantonese(if you would count it as a "foreign language"), Greek, Portuguese, French, Latin...
Tried the European greeting-kiss even though still, I don't know how to do it right...
Went to the seaside for my first time and figured I didn't love the salty breeze there that much...
Saw a drummer who looked so much like my bunny and that was truly a shock!!
come back soon...
I got to know a lot of new friends, learnt several words/sentences of foreign languages, including Cantonese(if you would count it as a "foreign language"), Greek, Portuguese, French, Latin...
Tried the European greeting-kiss even though still, I don't know how to do it right...
Went to the seaside for my first time and figured I didn't love the salty breeze there that much...
Saw a drummer who looked so much like my bunny and that was truly a shock!!
come back soon...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
lost
Will you please not hide? It simply hurts.
I haven't been good lately. Most of it is from you and the rest, from everything else. Life's been out of track and there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. I go out of temper too easily in the last 2 weeks. It's just not right -- it's not me!
You never need to hide. Trust me, telling me the truth would hurt a lot less.
Ok, let me do the logical part now. What if you have told me what I think is going on.
Would I be satisfied? No. But should I? Yes I should.
Is it that I shouldn't have ever expected that much from the beginning? How pathetic 'cause no matter what the heck I say now, it wouldn't change anything in the past. Plus, would this silly girl choose to do the same thing even though she knew the end of the story? That, probably is a yes... gosh, what can you do about her?!
Or am I just being too nervous?
I haven't been good lately. Most of it is from you and the rest, from everything else. Life's been out of track and there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. I go out of temper too easily in the last 2 weeks. It's just not right -- it's not me!
You never need to hide. Trust me, telling me the truth would hurt a lot less.
Ok, let me do the logical part now. What if you have told me what I think is going on.
Would I be satisfied? No. But should I? Yes I should.
Is it that I shouldn't have ever expected that much from the beginning? How pathetic 'cause no matter what the heck I say now, it wouldn't change anything in the past. Plus, would this silly girl choose to do the same thing even though she knew the end of the story? That, probably is a yes... gosh, what can you do about her?!
Or am I just being too nervous?
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
CEI stress
"I never felt this depressed.
Yes, I have been chosen and invited to attend the CEI conference and now it has come to the step of preparation. I never knew anything about this conference that's been held once a year since... who the heck knows when it started anyways...
I did try to get some information about it but failed. Nobody cares about it? That's a lie 'cause now I do!! Or say, I have to. And that's exactly where my stress comes from. "
What's up there was written about 2 weeks ago.
Now things are getting on the right track I'd say. Or at least everything about the conference seems to be better.
I've tried every search tool to get the info about CEI and the themes are much clearer; We've put our thoughts together and figured out a best topic to work on; I'm getting more sleep than I did last week (sleeping 3-4 hours per day for a whole d### week was undoubtedly terrible)...
But still, this task is TOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I have been chosen and invited to attend the CEI conference and now it has come to the step of preparation. I never knew anything about this conference that's been held once a year since... who the heck knows when it started anyways...
I did try to get some information about it but failed. Nobody cares about it? That's a lie 'cause now I do!! Or say, I have to. And that's exactly where my stress comes from. "
What's up there was written about 2 weeks ago.
Now things are getting on the right track I'd say. Or at least everything about the conference seems to be better.
I've tried every search tool to get the info about CEI and the themes are much clearer; We've put our thoughts together and figured out a best topic to work on; I'm getting more sleep than I did last week (sleeping 3-4 hours per day for a whole d### week was undoubtedly terrible)...
But still, this task is TOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
conversation
"***** I love you!"
"cool"
"... that's not the answer!!"
"what?"
"I said I love you"
"cool"
...... ..... .... ... .... ..... ......
"rrrrrrrrroooooooooooaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr"
"are you mad at me?"
"nahh, you're just having fun"
"yea I was just having fun"
"you sure are a bad ***** :p"
"what? you know I love you"
"but I just wanted to hear it again!"
... ... ... ...
***** I love you! We both know this clearly but I still want to say it to you over and over again.. I'll never get tired saying those three words -- to you, and only.
I don't know why, but I do feel the pressure that I have to be on the "top" to be able to be with you again one day. It's weird but when I think it over, it's pretty practical. Your thought?
When will our happily-ever-after ending come? At least we're both working hard for it right?
"Nothing can keep us apart. Our love will last till the stars turn cold..." -- Singing in the Rain
"cool"
"... that's not the answer!!"
"what?"
"I said I love you"
"cool"
...... ..... .... ... .... ..... ......
"rrrrrrrrroooooooooooaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr"
"are you mad at me?"
"nahh, you're just having fun"
"yea I was just having fun"
"you sure are a bad ***** :p"
"what? you know I love you"
"but I just wanted to hear it again!"
... ... ... ...
***** I love you! We both know this clearly but I still want to say it to you over and over again.. I'll never get tired saying those three words -- to you, and only.
I don't know why, but I do feel the pressure that I have to be on the "top" to be able to be with you again one day. It's weird but when I think it over, it's pretty practical. Your thought?
When will our happily-ever-after ending come? At least we're both working hard for it right?
"Nothing can keep us apart. Our love will last till the stars turn cold..." -- Singing in the Rain
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